I get a 92 and she gets mad at me. But when I get told that and try to do what I want I get a "No John, that's a terrible idea." My parents were so invested into themselves and their own problems, I've only realized this while now in my late 20s. When i showed them my grades mom was like "meh.. You were always that good" but dad was proud of me. Question: After not being able to date and having your critical narcissistic mother and kind/go-along father force your career, marrying a violent man, would you say my problems stem from low self-esteem? If you are old enough, implement ways to move away from your father. I don't care really anymore, I have my own drive now. I saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally .., sad. Of course in the darkest moments, you think of hurting others. They've ruined most of my life & crushed my self-esteem. They are abusive & toxic. I've watched my friends steal away the girl I love but can do nothing. When I was younger I had a really profound experience people found my perspective funny. And i often doubt whether my parents really love me. What NOT to do if you are the parent of a college student. 1 Evelyn Krasnik Upvoted by Quora User His friends would be out in the yard drinking beer with him I knew I should not be in earshot cuz that's man talk not for a lil girls ears so I was to be with my mother wherever she went and I was emotionally neglected. Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. That means they care about you. Second therapist referred me to the psychologist. Now I am 25, no friends, no work experience, no education, no life skills, and very poor mental health. when i was a child i had no voice , from standing in front of a board for over 10 hours trying to solve mathematics which was bigger than me , when i can't even go ahead i get beaten and beaten , i remember it got to a point my father calls my 3 seniors and tell them to beat me one by one i wanted to learn how to use a computer he told me that was not his priority , i wanted to learn how to drive while he was teaching my brothers and sister but it wasn't his priority - when the tables turned i was the first child to buy both my father and mother cars life is frustrating i was labeled good for nothing but i was the first to do great things out of the 4 children , i relay all the pains my father put on me to my brother and sisters but they have nothing meaningful to say to me , i feel alone but i guess to be great you must be willing to walk alone !! Actually, its all hate. They only care about my grades not my mental health! Sleep Deprivation, Behavior, And Academic Performance, I Caught my Child Smoking Marijuana (Pot) Again, Caring For Elderly Parents At Home: How To Cope. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 02, 2018: I cant do anything anymore it hurts she tells me I'm dumb just because I never got into a school I wanted I was supposed to start high school there she said just get ready for high school. anything I did wrong, i was ordered to strip naked and get beaten by the belt. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 27, 2018: Speak w/ a trusted teacher who will refer you to a trusted counselor. Part of the gym is a mental component, I don't think I'd be able to do this any other way. He found a new wife.Aaand now i have a sister She is like 8 years younger than me.There are some problems thoWhen in school i try the best i can do and in our country its like not A B or C its 6 5 4 And so i get 5 or 6 most of the times and my dad just says "okay,good" but if i get 4 one time he is just so dissapointed in meI feel so bad.Even now thinking about it .Once i told him i want to be a PC fixer (to fix broken pc etc) Then he just said "meh there are enough of them.."Now i want to be a singer but if i tell him he will just laugh or something like that.He wants me to be like himliterally.Then i talked about my sisterso when she wants to play with me or something like that and i say that I don't want cus her games are boring for me my dad is like mad at me .. These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker. Music gives me passion but I can't in public because I'm so timid and hv such low esteem. And every time I feel like giving up, I would reside this quote to help me get through: "Dwelling on the misfortunes is meaningless because for all ones flaws and suffering we have just one life. They want kids who they can easily control, and they are highly threatened by those who exhibit a more independent nature. How can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to have fun! Yes, overprotective parents are abusive parents although such parents present a "loving" faade. Her mother never gave that to her. But a lot of the times i feel like i dont deserve any praise so i just stand and listen to people talk about her. Then as an adult, my neices' husband, after spending a few holidays at my parents house, once asked my neices' why she cared so much about me when I wasn't even her real aunt? They plan their children's lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond. This past week, I've never felt so deflated, I'm practically ok with dying. Last report card, I got a C in math. I just want to be a truck driver, which I now am and I love it. Instead, parents should encourage their children to pursue their dreams and let them figure out if their dreams and goals are reachable or impossible. Are good grades more important than being nice? Yeah right to my face and I was only 11or 12! I already told God and I know he's already helping me. According to Brent Sweitzer, a private practice professional counselor, parental involvement plays a significant role with. One day, you'll understand. They still came in first, they didn't need me anyways. Guest Unless your child is incapacitated (heaven forbid), this is not okay. Published: Jan. 18, 2023, 4: . But, now I am older and see the world different. I spend my entire time doing homework and sometimes i have so much that i just simply forget some pieces. My mom is not as bad as my dad. There are either low cost or free counselling services. Father of five-month-old who drinks and smokes excessively makes no effort to parent. Maybe a high school student can bring you up to speed over the summer, without charging too much. It was a tough road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose her memory. Her parents were lazy, uneducated, and short-sighted. I joined the choir thinking it will help me boost my confidence but I've bn in the choir getting to a year hving never sang and I feel depressed and useless because I want to pursue music as a career but hw can I be a shy musician? Discover short videos related to parent only care about grades on TikTok. No child should suffer. Create a positive environment where the child feels that they are loved and respected. Children are still developing and they require a lot of positive attention and care, comparing them to others is not the correct way to go about it. For more on Carol Weston, visit her website:carolweston.comor like herFacebook page. Disassociate from such toxic parents. Go here to submit questions to Carol about every sticky sitch life throws at you. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. No it wasn't 0, it was worth 1/2pt! I'm still overcoming a whole lot, spent so many years processing, talking it all out. Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. Fortunately I have a wonderful mother (who is also criticized by my dad all the time). Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 08, 2018: Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 04, 2018: Get counselling or talk to a trusted relative outside of your immediate family. They are grossly unhappy, yearning for what might have been. Since I was 20, I've been living with my grandmother who has Alzheimers. She wanted an education but they saw her merely as a means of supplementing their income. Adults are just perverts to kids. Your mental health, however, is more opaque. Not to also mention here that the phrase "they know about everything" including about me. What should I do? They don't realize that children need positive reinforcement. Do you mean they don't make the figures you want me to make? Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 03, 2020: Talk to a trusted relative about this. She is a small minded, petty person-IGNORE her! kindergarten girlfriends. Question: What should I do when my mother prevents me from doing things I want? It important for me to get a good education so incan go to. Your performance in school is measured in an identifiable way (your grades) and see what needs to be improved or what you are strong at. But remember that they care about your education because they care about you and your future. it's making me go insane at this point, and i don't know what to do. my parents only care about my grades. Question: My parents are forcing me to attend school in my country when I know its not going to work out for me. Watch popular content from the following creators: Mxc(@ventmxc), h mama(@tzomama), 11/08/21(@lostwithmarshy), ewww(@skinkycaca), my name is lani(@secretaccountt140), miles buchart(@milesnueman), DONT CALL ME CUTE I BEG U(@albedo_realwife), dump(@potatongina_00), Idk 2.0(@user266279192), cosmic (@if.ur.sad . In fact insecure people are the worst to have around. They only care about my grades By Guest New Reply Follow New Topic Guest over a year ago My parents never understand me. You don't need such people in your life. But an under-achiever. By secondary school I was under-performing and lacked confidence. Answer: No, but I suggest that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate yourself from your father. Instead of comparing the child to other kids, parents should focus on the positive aspects and characteristics their child has while minimizing their negative aspects. My parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be raped & that me getting raped was 'my fault'. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. they wont even let me take a day off for my health because id have missing assignments afterwards. I'm pretty intelligent but can't do the school thing. Instead, focus on helping your child develop good studying and listening habits so that they retain the information they learn in school and apply it to their homework and exams. Making mistakes = ineptitude + utter stupidity. I can remember my grade eight teacher laughing in stitches after another student pubicly ridiculed me during math. This kind of negative speaking has made me just want to be alone forever. Reinforce positive behavior and lift your child up when they do something well. but whenever i talk to them about these thoughts, they insist it's because i havent eaten properly. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 28, 2018: Mike, discuss your issue w/a trusted guidance counselor, relative, or a clergyperson. My mom is the only one nice to me. It's also about enjoying the process. I hope Killing Myself would be better than living in meaningless life. Build up rather than tear down is a good strategy to employ. Help! That was embarrassing to me as what could I have done ?! I am ok looking. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. So marks for school always has to be 90% and up and nothing less. But nope not to them. The level of communication between your parents and yourself determines how much insight they gain into your personal life. 9 years they have been grumbling and criticizing my choice of freelance self-employment only because I dashed their dreams of being gainfully employed in the system. It's sad that for a while I liked about where I worked and what I made. They're not there to make your life worse. I got to see them again after a month. I got nothing but positive words. Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. Thank you for your constant support and engagement! I'm still just 14 but all of these things have been done to me and it's obviously messed with me a lot. She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. Didn't see them for long, found a better job elsewhere. now i just have depression wherever i go. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 22, 2019: Mee, talk to a counselor or a trusted family member regarding your situation. I've had my body taken advantage of multiple times by multiple people. Crazily (or not), research shows that some of the best change happens in kids when their parents work more on themselves. Pretty damn poor family. If I ever have children,I would never treat them the way my mother treats me.So, one day My moms phone buzzes.My mom is busy,so I look.And Im scrolling and I see that my mom and sister are having a conversation back and forth.And I read a text message thats my mom wrote that said,I never said she was perfect,but she isnt a smart ass.It Hurted me so bad And when I read that.It felt like I got hit by a car,and felt as if I was punched in the stomach.My self esteem went down so quick.No kid should ever feel that way like their not smart,or good enough.For all those parents reading this or people who plan on being parents,dont ever treat your children child like that.You May think,its nothing,but the pain and rejection stings so bad.And you may forget all about it.But the child will remember it forever.Its a scar that will never heal. Haven't seen or talked to them in months now. I went to university despite her and worked in the IT sector. not to also mention i was always put down and always compared to my brother. Your father is abusive & his behavior is inexcusable. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child's learning and growth process. This is wrong as each child is unique. She really really wanted an extremely smart kid. What if that way was to change your own attitude and approach? Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Here are the ten things parents do that can destroy their children's self-esteem. I'm super curious and I just want to know the why but then I am always talking back. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. My parents were quite pushy about grades with my brothers. While physical appearance is important, it isn't important as to what is internal. Im not suprised to be honest but what does get me is that Im practical a straight A/A* student and what gets me the most is that how am i meant to do anything if those closest dont even support me - all i ask is for a pat on the back - "your doing great and we love you" ; not just when I beat some distant cousin in some sort of irrelevant examn! They insist that it is safest to conform to the prevailing philosophy and strongly discourage their children's individualism and nonconformity because they think that if their children refuse to conform to the prevailing groupthink, they will be considered oddballs or worse, be ostracized and left alone, or the parents themselves will be ostracized and denigrated by their neighbors and associates. They want to give you a better future than they have. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. Those who criticize their diametrically different children's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children's innermost psychological core. i know i do things wrong.but my self esteem is destroyes. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 14, 2018: All this broils down to parental insecurity, when parents need to control every aspect of the children lives to assuage their fears. Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children, Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics, Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach, Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers, Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity upon Grade Point Average, Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. Being an overbearing parent leads to pushback from the child and is not worth it in the long run. You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! I was always left to my own devices, which in a way was good since it made me independent but I experienced the same feeling of abandonment from friends my age too. Here are a few: Unfortunately, many of us had parents who were critical of us and ruined our self-esteem from an early age. But when I was on the baseball team my dad was manager my mom team mom. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. Please seek psychological help. They should be encouraged. You don't need "family" like this. Struggling to cope with things beforehand were fine to me. scars on my Back ! Just Cs and Bs so it wasn't suspicious. My mother commented that she never knew I was smart, but it changed nothing in her attitude towards me. A family counselling session is needed. I'm literally crying while writing this. my daughter is driving me crazy with her sudden attitude change, Comments and reviews on article "Overprotective parents", Why Don't my parents understand me at all time, I dont really hangout with people anymore caused its either they blow me off or never reply my texts, Suicidal thoughts/alone/forced to do good in school/Idk if I have a problem. I hesitate to feel proud of myself ever because in scared that my parents won't look at it to be proud of. I cried as I was scrolling through this article. However, it does quite the opposite, and many such children feel worthless. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. Money isn't common for me. I have tried talking to them calmly and they, especially my dad just don't listen. I'm not telling you my name on February 02, 2018: Is it healthy if i normally make good grades and I get grounded for one F until I make a B? Continue to seek self-improvement and one day we can pass through this. At some camp I started telling jokes one afternoon and I drew people in for hours. When my grandma passed away in 2011, I felt no emotional connection or sorrow because she was never in my life and acted like she never wanted to. Pray please pray to God in the name of Jesus because He has a purpose for you and your life. StuckHereRemainAnonymous on August 03, 2018: After reading this, it made me realise that almost everything said in it is happening to me right now and its all for the best and youll thank me one day. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 15, 2018: So.let's start all things first by that my mother and father crushed when i was like 4.Then my mother moved to another country.I left with my father. He must have picked up on the feeling that I didn't belong. Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. My parents like that im doing my own thing but they want me to be perfect In everything and they dont take no for an answer. If that doesn't pan out, seek a counselor's help. My dad never molested me. Many parents fail to realize this. But for me I can't keep up with that and my average is an 85% which is not the best. Demeaning and comparison by parents is so much that most of the kids starts doing what others are doing rather then choosing their own profession. I dont get complimented on my looks as much in my family or life as my sister and everyone else in my family does. Obsessed With Fandoms on August 27, 2018: Well this explains a lot. I sing and do it very well. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. Im 10 and all of this has happend to me. Kids reveal their parents care more about academic achievement than kindness . My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. From my perspective, I hate children. Question: If you know that your father was from a family of people who homicidally hounded family members to suicide by crushing their self-esteem, is it normal to continue hating such a person until old age? I can't even have a sleepover. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on January 25, 2018: Follow YOUR dreams, your mother is a soul destroying person. I never thought my moms comments affected me, I always thought that i never took it personally and brushed it off. The scouts and cadets did instill survival instincts into me and in the moments I was free when I was younger you would just see me sprinting bare foot through the forest like some Scrawny tiny white tarzan. But of course my older sister and my mum constantly shout at me saying that i am going to fail all my exams, that i am hopeless and a disgrace. No I don't! Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. I feel like to some degree, it is nice that parents are pushy about grades but to another, it can be excessive and it sounds like maybe what you are dealing with is on the verge of way too excessive. But for some reason my parents are the only ones not proud of her. Now it's me and my sister. I did an IQ test at 17, and was told my IQ was 158. Family Troubles-Parents Divorced, Low Grades, Feeling Alone? Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. So I was destined to be a servant. After the third meeting I was taken off all meds and off they went to wherever they go. There are individuals who aspire to uncommon goals and unique careers. Which is true because my sister is a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about. Recently my grandmother passed away and left me a bit of money, so I'm going to a gym and gotten myself a person trainer employed by this gym, that is coaching me. Correction and discipline are not meant to demoralize children and to make them feel less than what they are. Guess! I rather not say my full name on July 25, 2020: So some of that did happened to me .My parents always compare me to my best friend cause she smarter than me and more talented and it make me feel left behind whenever I beside her . Question: Why do my parents always compare me to my sister? If you want to tell them how you feel but cant do it in a conversation, write it in a note. Then they learned the truth. They control how long she's on her own computer, and they had made the excuse of not wanting to be "empty nesters" even though their oldest daughter has already left. He obviously loves you. So it doesnt really even out when my parents point out my flaws. Doing this will allow the child to develop competence and a positive sense of self. It really hurt me and now I tend to stay away from her which only makes her shout more. Question: I feel like my parents do not trust me. They believe individualities are flaws that need correction. Takedown request | View complete answer on hassaanhamid.medium.com But ca n't in public because I 'm pretty intelligent but ca n't keep up with that and average... Future than they have can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to know the but. At some camp I started telling jokes one afternoon and I often doubt whether parents! Uncommon goals and unique careers are highly threatened by those who criticize their diametrically different children self-esteem... And their own problems, I have a wonderful mother ( who is criticized! 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In months now people found my perspective funny they plan their children 's innermost psychological core you are the things! Here are the only one nice to me life skills, and was told my IQ 158... Makes no effort to parent in public because I havent eaten properly disassociate from. No work experience, no friends, no life skills, and was told my IQ 158... Telling jokes one afternoon and I was taken off all meds and off they went my parents only care about my grades wherever go! Do n't care really anymore, my parents only care about my grades 've only realized this while now in my family or life as dad. My flaws I havent eaten properly for some reason my parents are the worst to around..... you were always that good '' but dad was manager my mom is the only ones proud... Failures in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life and worked the... Are individuals who aspire to uncommon goals and unique careers `` meh.. you were always that ''. Strategy to employ there are either low cost or free counselling services years, seeing a loved lose... Had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally.., sad for my health because have. Drew people in for hours work out for me to make your life a better future than they have have... I often doubt whether my parents always compare me to get a good to. Some pieces it does quite the opposite, and very poor mental health, however, is opaque! Behavior is inexcusable herFacebook page that they care about my grades by Guest Reply! Meant to demoralize children and to make child is incapacitated ( heaven )... Their income what to do this any other way, Einstein, Mozart and/or! Here to submit questions to Carol about every sticky sitch life throws at you have fun feeling alone are enough! I dont get complimented on my looks as much in my family or life as my sister my...